Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Vents are for releasing hot air...

Don't fucking talk to me if all your going to do is try to start shit. I chose not to surround myself with negative energy. If you want to do that to yourself go right ahead, but don't involve me. Stop trying to cause drama when you have no reason to. Im sorry I ruined your whole night Saturday cus I was bitching, but if you say that, why can't you think of ONE SINGLE THING I SAID that I was "bitching" about. You have nothing. I remember everything from that night. You on the other hand have drunken word vomit and cant recall what I said let alone what you said to me. I just want to go back to how we were. I don't understand where or how this whole riff started. I just want to know how and how to fix it. Don't try to force me not to go to your party. You don't need to acknowledge me while im there. If my presence bugs you that much, well damn I must be one important person in your life. Threatening to black list me is also a joke. All your brothers love me and know that im not a fucking crazy bitch. Im a nice, sweet person, that is HAPPY! Pretty sure they wont believe you. So you wanna be immature and whine all the fucking time. Go ahead, but don't involve me. Don't blame me. Your PMSing or Bipolar-- either way, you've gone crazy. Good Luck.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

just a girl

Sometimes I think to myself: I don't think I'll find anyone else like you. It scares me and I want nothing more than to have you back. I secretly want your ex to flunk out of college or move away. If she's out of sight, she's out of mind. It's not fair. The things you said to me should make me never want to talk to you again. But I can't. You said you would marry her and yet you say you hate her. I wish I never felt this way with you. I wish that we never talked that night. That way I wouldn't have gone through this. You could have been the one, and even though we only dated for a month, I've never felt so comfortable with anyone else.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Happy MLK Day... not.

So, shocker given my previous posts only an idiot can't figure out where this post is going. I guess I was the idiot in this situation. I should have known, but hey who doesn't like a good dose of false hope, right? So, in celebration of no classes I went to the wayside along with the whole entire student body. Find my "boyfriend" and the first words that come out of his mouth "I love Stephanie. Sorry." WOW! Cus at the rave you said that you wanted to date again, but I guess you were just kidding or were you telling me what you wanted to hear to get what you wanted? Oh and my favorite... you were sleeping with her when we were "broken up". But that's okay cus you were stringing me along and you were "single". Go ahead re-live the past. The only reason you "love" her is that you've known her for so long and her fam. Not her as a person. You've told me over and over that you hated her. I look like the idiot. Im going to be the one judged. I should have followed my own dating rules, but I thought you were the exception.

"Don't make a girl fall for you, if you had no intention on catching her."

Monday, January 10, 2011


"Two can keep a secret, if one of them is dead."

As I'm watching pretty little liars, I start to think to myself if lying helps or hinders. The same boy problems are still bothering me, and I question my thoughts if lying to him or not is better. Should I pretend everything is okay and hope that if I stay positive that everything will be? Or if telling him what bothers me is better? I'm just worried that if I voice my true feelings I won't get the response I want to hear. Sure, that should sound like he isn't worth it, but I don't want to give up hope because I REALLY like him. Given we really aren't "together" anymore, but he still acts like we are. If you really wanted to get over your ex, cuddling with her on the couch and sitting next to each other during class doesn't seem like your trying to get over her. You don't think I would find out? What am I suppose to think? Am I just setting myself up to look stupid and get played?

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The hardest decision...

I don't want to talk about this to anyone I know, because I want to pretend it isn't happening. I fell hard and fast for my bf. He is amazing, he's honest, funny, and caring. But he just told me he can't stop thinking of his ex. Even though hes told me a hundred times how much he hates her, even when we were just friends. Now he wants to end things because he keeps thinking of her. I told him I don't want to. I don't want to let him go. I like him way too much. I just don't understand why he would have feeling for a relationship that was so bad. If they didn't live on the same floor I think this problem wouldn't be as big as it is. I don't know if I'm being selfish by wanting to keep him, but I just have hope that the longer he is with me the more he can forget about his ex. This is such a horrible situation to be in. It's not fair. People are going to treat me differently because we dated and I'm friends with all of his brothers. I'm beginning to think that I should let him go, because I think our relationship was a rebound for him whether he knows it or not. It just really sucks. I want him to be happy and I don't think it can be with her. Sure they have known each other for 2 years, but why couldn't our relationship turn into that.

You know the saying, "Let it go, if it comes back its yours, if not, it was never meant to be?"
I feel like I should let go but if I do, he won't come back. And if he does it would be next year when they aren't living so close. Then it's just going to happen all over again. I'm scared.